Ever since the unlucky day of December 9th in the year of my birth, I have been cursed with the comically tragic life of a romantic comedy heroine. Problem is, I lack all of the charm, all of the quips, and any of the serendipitous closures that said movies have after about an hour and a half of your time.
I hope you enjoy the Truman Show-esque events of my life that the best writers in Hollywood couldn't have even conjured up on their best day. So please sit back, relax, and enjoy a good laugh on behalf of yours truly. I've learned that the best way to handle chronic misfortune is to just laugh it off. Cheers!
TL;DR - Since you're here, why don't you stay a while. I always enjoy new company, unless you're a cunt.
Whoa, it’s a Battle Dog keychain! This two inch acrylic beauty is ready for battling and adventuring at your side! They won’t be up for sale for a few more weeks, but I’m giving away this totally rad keychain to three lucky readers!
HOW TO ENTER:
like and/or reblog this post (both count as entries, sweet!)
Rules: Anyone can enter! I can ship worldwide.
Three random winners will be chosen on Monday, August 5th!
I just can’t handle the luck lately. It’s gotten worse since last post. Summary: My Maid of Honor came out to visit, didn’t pay me back for the plane ticket I spotted her for, and almost got me arrested. She stole 2 wedding bands from my jeweler, and I had to report it, otherwise I risked looking guilty myself. So I am out the $1,000 she owes me, and could be considered an accomplice on a felony charge… that is 3 years in county.
THEN, my wedding florist dropped us for no good reason, then told us he would sue us if we wrote a bad review. So 3 months out from my wedding, and I have to find a completely different vendor, neat!
THIS MORNING, my cat knocked over a dragon statue we had on a shelf and it shattered our dining room table. That was my morning alarm today.
I couldn’t find them the last 2 days, but insisted on doing things that required them. Like the movies. And trying to find the bathroom in a dimly lit restaurant. I found the bathroom alright… and also saw a lot of dicks I wasn’t supposed to see. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH >.> The best thing I could come up with saying at the time was “I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE!”, and ran out. Fuck ya I’m a cool kid.
Mother nature shit all over the place today. Ran outside because I left my car windows open like an idiot. All of the belongings in my car got a nice bath though. So fresh and so clean clean! PS This happened at my friend Matt’s house, so I had to borrow a shirt, and returned home wearing nothing but spanx, snow boots, and his shirt. Nuthin but class!